"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
