i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
