Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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