So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
