if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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