I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize