If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just gift wrapped bread.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
