Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
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Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
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Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize