This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
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she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
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In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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