we should wear snuggies to the strip club
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
