The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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