I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
