Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Someone signed my nipple.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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