omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
