THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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