i just snorted my name. best moment ever
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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