I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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