His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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