A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
