I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
