His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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