My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Randomize
