is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
