Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
