Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
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I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
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I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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