Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
