marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Randomize
