I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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