Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
