she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
