Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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