i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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