was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
When are your genitals available?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
