Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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