3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
