i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
