Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Randomize
