words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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