I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
