Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
