we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
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YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize