i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
