Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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