Jerry, you need to find god
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
