so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
