Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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