I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
