Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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