the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
