you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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