tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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