my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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