Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
