I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
