Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
