U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We don't watch enough power rangers
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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