i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
