I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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