He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
