im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
