There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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