so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I wish you could order shots online.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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