Are we in a gay sports bar?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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