shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
