I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
