He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
