I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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