Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
