you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
