I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
