I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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