Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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