Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
