I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
it was like eating out sand paper
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
