How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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