After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
