I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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