Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
