I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The best revenge is premature balding
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
