my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
